No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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