grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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