K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
