I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
