Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
