just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
