I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
