hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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