He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
