Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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