All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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