Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
