so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
how drunk are you?
Several
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
