My nipple is on Facebook.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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