ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
