just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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