I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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