he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
