Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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