apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm at about main and main street
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
