we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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