Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
