I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
