my vag is so smooth its legendary
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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