I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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