I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
