new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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