Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
