Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
