i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
