careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
