Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
