Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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