This girl is more easily done than said...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
