Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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