Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
