My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
