Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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