Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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