i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
