Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
