So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
