I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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