Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
