Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize