I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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