I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
