im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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