I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
