what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
