she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
