Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
