My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
