no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
