Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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