Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
