Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
