My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
