is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
