rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize