As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
