please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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