Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
