What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
