last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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