Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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