So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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