The maid of honor just puked.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
