One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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