When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Jerry, you need to find god
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
