Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
