The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
