Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
