i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
