dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
