apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
