her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize