just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
