Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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