We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
