One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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