remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
