she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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