I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
