dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
