Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
