I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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