I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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