She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
