ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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