cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
