I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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