found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
