All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
