If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
