so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
