omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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