there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
