what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
