Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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