i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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