Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
