She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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