Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
50% drunk capacity currently
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
