do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
