The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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